The Customer-Centric Delusion

At TechnoFutureCorp, “customer impact” was the Holy Grail, whispered in hallways and chanted in meetings like a sacred mantra. Never mind that their software made users want to hurl their devices out the nearest window—clearly, they just hadn't gathered enough “customer feedback” yet.

Enter Dave, a lowly developer who dared to use the company's flagship product, “EasiDuz-It.” After a harrowing experience that left him questioning his will to live, Dave had an epiphany: perhaps software shouldn't make users want to gouge their eyes out?

Brimming with revolutionary fervor, Dave crafted a proposal: “Let's make our product not suck!” He even included pictures and UI mockups for the execs who couldn't read good.

In the board room, Dave's presentation was met with slack-jawed stares and furrowed brows. “But Dave,” asked CEO Karen, adjusting her “Customer First” pin, “have you validated this with our users? How do we know they don't enjoy the sweet suffering our product provides?”

What followed was a six-hour debate on the definition of “user-friendly” and whether customers should be trusted to know what they want. Meanwhile, in homes across the country, TechnoFutureCorp's software continued its reign of terror, unimpeded by pesky things like “improvement” or “basic functionality.”

And so, TechnoFutureCorp forged ahead, boldly innovating new ways to ignore the glaringly obvious while patting themselves on the back for their unwavering commitment to “customer impact.”

Because who needs a product that works when you can have meetings about customer satisfaction instead?